Friday, February 15, 2013

Thoughts

I wrote this post a couple of days ago and was debating whether I should actually post it or not.
I consider you all my long distance friends, so here goes...

For the past few months I've been itching to leave this town and never return.
Ever.
I feel like I wasn't made to live here, if that makes any sense at all. I use to love my job until it wore me down and made me lose all my motivation and drive. That was honestly the only thing keeping me here. I started this blog a couple of months back to meet interesting people who I could relate to, I have, and that's why I love it! It makes me happy to write down blog posts, take pictures, and show everyone a little about me!
It's given me that soul that I completely lost with my job. 
Yesterday afternoon as I was talking to a friend, who I haven't seen in a while, I realized how much I need to move.
I've always been an artistic\crafty person but I followed a traditional career path. I thought that it would leave me fulfilled but it hasn't. At all. 

I went to college five hours away from here and then returned because of personal issues with an ex. It's been three years back and I don't know how much longer I can handle it!
If I could, I would just leave today and figure it out when I get there. 
To me that's what I need to do to be myself again. I'm glad I have this blog because without it I would feel so empty.

It's so hard to just move an entire family even just a couple of hours away without some type of stability.
As much as that scares me I put it out of my mind and think about how many more opportunities I will have.
I honestly don't think I was made for a 8-5 job. If for the mean time I have to have one, I will but eventually I will find my niche. That day/month/year will be amazing.

Feeling quite stuck at the moment. I try not to think about it because it completely bogs me down. I get overwhelmed with feelings. The more I put it off though, the longer I'm in my head.
Just had to get that out! I hope some of you understand. Advice?

Gladly, I will be leaving this weekend and heading to some punk rock shows in Houston. It's been a while since I've been there. Tons of pictures will be taken and hopefully I can de-stress a little.
Sorry for such a downer post on a Friday but life happens. Lame sauce.

With all my love,

Pati

10 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear this :/ I completely understand though! I'm the kind of person who loves to move around, and HATES being in the same place for to long, but for the last 10 years I've been "stuck" in San Diego. I feel like I need to get out and get away, but being married and having kids makes it entirely impossible, not that I would change that for the world, but it's such a gnawing feeling!! I also had never had any desire to become a homeschooling mom, it's just what is right for my kids...but at the same time I feel caged and useless, because I LOVE working, and it just drives me absolutely crazy to be inside the house 5 days a week! Once you figure out what it is that you really want to do, and give it your all, it will all slowly start falling into place. It might not even be the first thing you try, but when it's the right thing...you'll know :)

    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alex!! I knew YOU would understand. I actually didn't know you homeschooled, props to you for that. I've thought about doing that for mine but I don't have patience for it.
      My life is complete except for my "career" and where I live. I don't feel fulfilled. I know it's takes time to find that THING you're meant to do but , oh man am I impatient!
      I come from a family of doctors so the pressure to succeed versus who I am as a person is a constant struggle.
      I will find my niche. I know it.
      Thanks again for the words. Xoxo

      Delete
    2. Yeah, being impatient sucks :/
      Ha, I also know how it feels to have to live up to the expectations of your family, granted mine aren't doctors, but ballet dancers (I know, HUGE difference) as a kid I was sooo scared to disappoint my mom who was this prima ballerina (while I was always a lazy, clumsy, plump kid) and I only met my father a few times, but felt like maybe if I lived up to his expectations that might be different. But as adults, we need to realize that no matter what our family thinks, the ones who really love us will be happy when we're happy :)

      Delete
  2. I hope you can one day find everything that you are looking for.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I get this feeling quite often so I can totally relate! After I graduated from school I just got in my car and drove (from NJ) to Colorado, because I had visited growing up and it seemed a way better fit for me! I definitely do not regret it! I say go for it and just be wherever you think fits you best :)
    Good luck!
    xo Hannah

    thebraidedbandit.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm the exact same way when it comes to just picking up and moving. I've never had problems meeting people or been too worried about finances. Having kids is just hard on the whole making a new life somewhere new.
      Thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  4. So I literally just started reading your blog, so I don't really feel like I know enough about your situation to comment on this specifically, but I can give a general piece of advice. If you open yourself up to something new and wonderful, something new and wonderful might just happen! It's corny, but it's true! And even if you can't take the BIG STEP right away, maybe take a bunch of tiny baby steps toward your goal and one day the big picture will be complete. The really tough stuff we have to do in life is usually the most worthwhile.

    That might be the corniest, self-helpiest comment I have ever written. What a first impression...Wow. Love the blog! I'll be back!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping by AND commenting. I hope I've found a new friend :)
      I have actually been more open with changes and have started taking little baby steps to the BIGGER picture. It's so hard for me though because I get bogged down in the future instead of the here and today, but i'm learning for sure.
      As corny as it sounded, thanks again! :)

      Delete
  5. Moving is probably the best thing that ver happened to me. I've changed 3 different countries and 4 cities in 3 years, but I think it really helps me to realise what I really want to do in my life, so just go for that!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for commenting! It totally makes my day a little better when you do!